I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
