Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
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She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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