I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize