a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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