I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
