Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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I will pee on everything he values.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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