The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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