I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
