Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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