bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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