It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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