shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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