i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
