I think i peed on brittanys purse
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
