hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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