I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
