none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
