Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
