Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
