ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize