it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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