my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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