Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
