I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
