And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm too high and old for this...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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