guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
