he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
