i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
