her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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