dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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