Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
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My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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