You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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