My Higher Power is John Stamos
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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