Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
NoShamevember. You game?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
