I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Just high enough for therapy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
