Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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