My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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