I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
