I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
