I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just pee around me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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