if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
