why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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