Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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