stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
