i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just invented taco cereal.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
