Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
