I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
