i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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