i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need to calm my uterus...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
