Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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