you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
