He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize