you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
