Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
