I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
