When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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