my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
