My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
