wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
