i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
