i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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