that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just had sex bonerless
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
