he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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