I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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